The Audition

Where can I start with La muse? There are so many good things to say about this wonderful film and the talented people that brought it to life. I think I’ll start at the beginning. Let’s rewind a little. Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of acting and it was the only thing I knew I was truly good at. The only domain that made me feel proud of myself, that made me watch others in awe, whether they were doing well of poorly and that made me feel like I belonged. For years I took classes and did background work on professional sets until I felt I was ready to start auditioning. Let’s just say it went poorly. Turns out acting in class and acting in an audition room are two completely different things. When I was ready to give up, feeling like an imposter, I found a casting call for La Muse. I thought to myself: “Just one more, I guess, and then I’m done.” And looking back, I knew I would have never been able to give up on acting. When you have a spark, it stays lit for the rest of your life. Sure, it might dimmer, but it can never be fully put out. Not matter how hard you try. You’ll always see that flame in the corner of your eye and wonder what might have been. Or what might still be. I did end up getting the role. And it was one of the happiest moments of my life. I screamed, I cried, I jumped. It felt so good. I felt accomplished.

The shoot

I was nervous to start shooting because I had never done anything professional and this was a lead role. I had to be perfect. And I had to love it because I had spent all my life believing this was my one true calling. That second part turned out to be pretty easy. It was magical. Everyone working together toward one solid goal. And it was going smoothly too. The crew was so nice. They were passionate and they were great at their job. We shot the film in two parts, one month apart. Once we were done with the first shoot, I almost counted the days until I could work again, and, finally the day came. Everything was going smoothly once again, everyone was excited to see each other after being apart for a month, and that’s when I got the call. My mom had been sick for a while, but recently it had gotten worse. I just didn’t expect it to be this bad. Receiving the news that she was about to undergo suicide assistance was the worst feeling I’ve ever felt. And just like that, my world came crashing down. Trying to remain professional was difficult, and basically impossible. I kept to myself mostly after that and the good news is that we only had one day left. It was also the day we had to shoot the emotional scenes and while you would think experiencing this would be helpful, it actually made everything harder. In the scene, I had to be heartbroken and upset but try to keep it all in. But it just wanted to come out. I was crying in between takes and trying to keep it together while filming. After this movie, I learned how to use my past and my traumas and put it in my work which surprisingly helped me deal with the loss. When the movie came out, my mom wasn’t there to view it with me. But I know she would have been proud. She was the only person who wanted this for me more than I did for myself. I am extremely grateful for the opportunity I was given when selected for the role. And I continue to be thankful each day for the work I get to be a part of and the people that walk by my side.